Preparing to Land

Imagine this: It's five days before Xmas. Nineteen people, mostly Capetonians, arrive at Bloemfontein airport to catch a plane back to Cape Town. They all know each other in a very specific context - they dance together. They have been dancing with 120 others for 5 days. Its not your ordinary kind of gyrate on the dance floor to rock or fast stepping twirls like salsa or even the erotic engagement of the tango, although it can encompass any of these. Its Biodanza - a way of freely expressing oneself to music and it includes contact and sensuality.

We are in the departure lounge. Our departure time comes and goes - we are not called. Eventually we discover that if only our plane had not switched its engines off, we could have taken off. But since they did switch off, we can't. There is a defective part for which we will have to wait. We begin to get to know each other in ways we never have before - about our lives and work. We have quite a bit of fun. At about the time we should have arrived in Cape Town, SAA finally decides to put us up at a hotel for the night and we will have to fly to Johannesburg (JHB) on the morrow to get to Cape Town - a route which is counter-intuitive to any normal modes of thinking other than that of airlines. This is devastating news for one or two (like some Italians who have to make their connection to Rome for Xmas) but not really for most of us - it being the holiday season.
We arrive for dinner at about 9 pm. Quite a few items on the menu are not available but it takes about an hour for the staff to tell us this. Meantime alcohol is provided - compliments of SAA. Wine is flowing and most of us are taking this as an opportunity for much enjoyment. The crew of our plane is also grounded and getting quite merry. We have to be ready to leave at 7.30 am for our flight to JHB. So eventually we wander off to bed after a completely unforgettable evening filled with much hilarity.


Breakfast next morning, is better provisioned than dinner, and we are all taxi'd back to the airport without mishap. Overnight the airline has got its act together and we are issued with 2 boarding passes and luggage directed straight through to Cape Town.

So why am I telling you this story? Because, as we approach Cape Town round about 2 o'clock that following day, the voice on the intercom announces: "We are preparing the captain for landing."
Good gracious! Are they all drunk up there in the cockpit? We know he meant to say "cabin" or did he? At least 30 different movie scenarios go through the various minds around me. The one that sticks with me seems to involve a dead captain (perhaps even a murdered one!) that has to appear to be landing the plane so that the authorities won't cotton on to the crime. But many other possibilities are being riffed by the more imaginative among us. Some involve a sudden loss of confidence on the part of the captain and him needing various forms of encouragement like "I know you've done this before," or a more impatient, "Just fake it!" or an air hostess whispering in his ear, " Darling, I think I'd better get off your lap now."

Five minutes later, the announcement goes: "Cabin crew, prepare the cap..bin for landing. Make sure your seats are in the upright position etc." At this point we are rolling in the aisles  - obviously the guys in the cockpit weren't up to the task of 'preparing the captain'. Now they need the help of the cabin crew! Will we ever land in Cape Town?

How would you "prepare the captain for landing"?